23 December 1998 - I just lost Aruba and want to write down all the loving things about him. He was a beautiful cat, my heart is just aching. I can't believe you are gone. This is going to be a very sad christmas for me. I loved you when you were being pesty, I loved you when I had to have my dining room chairs upholstered because you preferred them over a cat tree. When you walked over my head to get to the other side of the bed, testing whether I would jump up or continue sleeping.
I know you were very sick and I did the right thing, but the problem is I'm never going to see you again. Gatsby, Scruffy, Daisy and Garfield are very sad. I watched the past week when they all comforted you because you were so sick, they will miss you as much as I am going to miss you. Thelma and Louise will miss you also.
About two months ago, Aruba had what seemed like a stroke, he cried and slipped off the chair and meowed quite loudly. I was worried, but the vet was at lunch, so I just watched him and then all of a sudden he was back to normal, asking to be let out, giving no indication that anything happened. I kept an eye on him and it never happened again. So I just watched for any changes.
Looking back, the changes were subtle, first he seemed to be a bit slower, taking his time to ask for something, but he was always "johnney on the spot" whenever there was a little "tuna" or "kitty treats" being offered. He was still asking to be let out the door every five minutes, then right back in. But he seemed to be OK, jumped on the counter to knock the treats off the counter.
He then surprised me by catching a gopher, so I said well he is looking so skinney because Garfield (his brother) is so fat. After all he is black and he never had bushy hair or a bushy tail. So must be my imagination.
I then picked him up and realized that he had lost quite a bit of weight. (I should have marched him right off to Dr. Ahmed that very moment). I procrastinated, and said he can't be sick, he is the healthy and strong one, so I waited and watched him, seemed lively but thin. That went on for about a week, and I said "you are going to the see Dr. Ahmed", we went and Dr. Ahmed said that he had a huge mass and wanted to do a blood test and take x-rays. The test came back positive for feline leukemia, but Dr. Ahmed said that he had a mass that he wanted to do exploratory surgery on him, I was worried, but figured it was something that could be fixed and Aruba would be right as rain as soon as he had surgery.
When Dr. Ahmed from the Nuevo Animal Hospital in Perris did the exploratory surgery, called me and said that Aruba was too far gone to fix him. Dr. Ahmed could feel my pain when he told me.
I had to make this devastating decision on the phone. Why did I have to make this decision of life and death of my favorite cat. But the cancer was everywhere.
This has all been overwhelming for me, I didn't expect it to happen. Right now I feel Grief, pain, loss of a best friend, anger that I wasn't more observant, I expect to feel a lot in the next couple of days.
Right now I feel guilty that I had to make this decision, that Aruba expected me to do something to make him better, I don't feel I did enough for him, I just feel so terrible, please Aruba forgive me. I love you so. I feel a terrible loss.
My favorite cat is always the one that is paying attention to me - I love them all, and each of them differently.
Bob is on the other side waiting and I imagine they will be taking care of each other.
Since I never had any children you guys were it.
